People in the United States have grown to fear pain.  Any good doctor's regimen for any ailment starts with killing the pain.  The first question my doctors ask me when I go in for something specific is "Did you try any painkillers?"  Obviously that's something I can figure out to do on my own.  If I'm at the doctor's office, it means that I need another option...such as addressing the underlying cause!  My acupuncturist used a treatment on me for a muscle spasm that involved pain, but worked splendidly!  She explained that it's not a technique that's taught in the US because patients here don't want to experience the pain.  We just want the easy way out.  Why is that?  Why is pain so abhorrent to us?

Recently I had my first serious broken bone/s.  My radial was broken near the wrist and I had to endure a frustrating cast that ran from my hand past my elbow, and up.  Completely immobilized, I was told that muscle atrophy begins within the first twenty minutes, and I had to wear the brace for six weeks!  While I was absolutely thrilled to finally get the activity limiting cast off, with it came pain that was most unpleasant.  Physical therapy started almost immediately.  My therapist, Nikki was a sweet lady who was very encouraging, and started me out as she would any patient.  She was pleased at my first visit, a week from getting the cast off, when I was already moving my hand as she was directing me.  I was a little nervous with how liberal I was being with my recovery, worried that I could re-injure the bone.  Nikki assured me that the break was fixed and there was no danger of re-breakage.  I progressed fast, but then it seemed a natural progression to me.  Life goes on and I couldn't just wait around waiting for the pain to subside before moving on.  Once, in a therapy session when I was showing good progress combined with a determined look, Nikki commented that I must not be feeling much pain.  On the contrary, I assured her, there was pain, but feeling it made me want to push harder, hoping that it would go away.

Pain, it occurred to me, was not an indication that something bad was happening to my hand.  The pain was an indication that something bad had happened, and now each twinge reminded me to move on, and that I was healing and getting stronger.  To be honest with you, the moment of the original break wasn't painful at all, it was just the aftermath when I needed to move on and heal that the pain came to alert me. 

Hmmm...I wonder, does that only apply to physical pain?  Even mental pain can be looked at that way.  Most of the time we feel anger before pain.  Whether it's a broken heart, a betrayal, a loss.  We first feel anger, maybe panic, or frustration.  When that dispels we feel the pain as a sign to push harder, to become stronger, to move on and heal.  We have to reach out again, despite the pain that we feel inside.  Each time we reach out, no matter the outcome, we finish a bit stronger than before.

I'm still a long way from being fully healed, but therapy is over.  Now I'm left with only myself to encourage me, so when I move my wrist into a position that hurts, I continue to force that action on a daily basis.  I know that doing so will eventually cause the muscle to release, and the pain to subside.  I wonder, where else in my life could I use that release?

Growing up sucks! Yet my youth is fresh enough in my mind that I remember the angst that permeated every aspect of my life. I felt that every adult in the world was contributing to a downfall of society that had spiralled out of control. I was powerless, yet I could express my anger through vivid-colored clothing and loud, thundering music. I was awkward and uncertain, yet I could hide behind my parents and friends and pretend that I never had to move forward in life. I had "freedom" and yet I wasn't free. I spent every moment of every day wondering how to fit in, how to proceed or how to avoid being seen. Today I am no better off. I am still filled with angst over whether I am fulfilling my goals, presenting my ideas well and supporting the right team. Going back isn't appealing even if I could. Going forward, into the unknown, at least gives me a chance at something...what am I looking for...direction? redemption? freedom? peace? power? influence?

I look at our leaders, our CEO's, politicians, leaders, presidents and I realize that they are all just like me. They are human, not super-heroes. In the privacy of their own dwellings they sit and feel uncertainty, pressure, and the burden that they lead by example. Yet they know no more than I. How much they must laugh inside themselves to deal with the reality that every word they utter, every action they undertake is scrutinized, emmulated and copied by those that wish to be super human.

I'm still living for the slight chance that somehow at some point, it all gets easier, or better but I don't know what that even means. As far as I can tell, we are all just "shooting from the hip". Some of us just have better luck than others, but we are all completely fallible.

Our presidents, kings and monarchs will all crumble, die and be gone. We can't escape that fate. What will you do in the mean-time? Focus on your angst? Have you overcome it? Did you escape the pull of uncertainty, or find the courage to embrace it? I await your insight!