What color is your mind?

There’s this point…in my mind, that’s not there, but I tried to focus on it so that I wouldn’t focus on anything.  That doesn’t seem to make any sense, and yet it did at the time.  Though the point doesn’t actually exist, I can tell you that it was a yellowy gold, and kind of well…fuzzy, like looking at a tv screen that has nothing but static playing on it.

And looking at that point helped me erase the bizarre images that can pop into one’s head:  me as a giant Buddha, characters from the tv show “Lost”, computer problems, spinning chakras, my bra being too tight.  I counted my breaths to keep the images away.  I noticed that I was breathing more slowly and deeply.  I figured that that was good.  Then I figured that I shouldn’t be figuring.  I noticed myself relax and then tense up again, and relax again. 

I know I just started my meditation practice recently.  And I think I started with a lot of expectations that I’m still holding on to.  I’m not sure what I consider success in my effort.  I have noticed that I seem to have more patience and love towards the world.  And the yellow fuzziness in my mind did help to get rid of a lot of the noise.  But just as it seemed to quiet, my timer went off.  Maybe I will add more time to my next session and move beyond my colored mind.  Or I could just sit and start again.